i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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