nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
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Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
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They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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