You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
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Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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