i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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