I puked a lego.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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