The maid of honor just puked.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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