I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize