If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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