between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize