I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just pee around me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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