Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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