mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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