she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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