dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize