Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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