this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize