Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
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The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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