Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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