If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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