Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize