there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize