well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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