You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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