Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize