and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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