Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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