The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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