That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Shame - the story of my life.
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