yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
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I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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