Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
FUCK WHALES
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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