he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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