The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize