I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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