i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
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No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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