I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
someone owes me an orgasm
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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