he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
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i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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