I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize