I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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