The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize