I faked an abortion last night.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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