There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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