is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
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i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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