My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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