"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize