my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize