he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
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And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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