i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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