girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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