I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize