Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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